A reflective session with a parent reminded me of this piece, written many years ago now. It seemed relevant to our chat about how with some children there can be a sense of us having little impact, and then suddenly it comes together. It's as if we've spent years helping to shape different pieces of a jigsaw that then magically presents as a whole. It is not magic though, it is continued perseverance from everyone around the child, following a therapeutic approach, and working together. Keep on connecting with your child.
A few words about Chinese Bamboo and Hope
A few years ago I had a long train journey which inspired me to write an article for my work’s newsletter. At the time I was a therapist for Looked After Children placed in residential homes, working closely with their team of therapeutic care workers. Sometimes it was hard to keep hope alive and keep going when faced with seeing little progress on a day-to-day basis. I have edited the original piece for it to address you, adoptive parents and guardians.
One of the books I took on my travels made a very brief mention of Chinese Bamboo. Enough to inform the reader that it grows underground for 5 years before it begins to shoot out of the earth. I checked this. It’s true. A seed is planted and for 5 years it seems nothing is happening. Nothing at all on the surface. And then it really does shoot out, up to 27 meters in six weeks! Let’s consider how this may have parallels to your experience as an adoptive parent bringing your child to therapy and trying to be a therapeutic parent. So many repeated experiences leaving you wondering and questioning. So many incidents and behaviours that may leave you feeling hopeless. And useless… Here you are caring for your child, nurturing them, providing for them, meeting their needs, playing with them, crying with them, loving them, giving all you have to give and nothing. Their trauma and their past are stronger than the here and now and always come back to hurt them, and you and your family too at times. There’ll be feelings of going somewhere and then all the good experiences seem forgotten and it is as if you have done nothing. Despair may be felt, fear even, and if your children could identify their feelings they’d probably be in touch with that too. If the Chinese Bamboo didn’t grow underground first, establishing strong roots, it could never grow so tall. It could never offer so much wonder as it suddenly changes the landscape. I think maybe together we must believe that we are sowing seeds. And inside your children these seeds are growing. They are reaching their internal system, spreading around. Roots are forming. They become intertwined in their belief systems, their memories, their scars. We just can’t see it yet on the outside. They are not strong enough to be visible to the external world although we’ll glimpse a few brief appearances if we’re lucky…. A look, a gesture, a smile, something different. All that we are doing and giving, it is going in, like a good fertiliser. Every day your children are being ‘watered’. And like anyone growing Chinese Bamboo, we need to be patient. The full growth of your children is not something you’ll ever be able to measure; we need to have faith and hope that they are continually growing towards reaching their full potential, and this, like for so many of us, will always be an on-going work in progress.
Samantha Stubbs
Art Therapist
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